domokun

Saturday, September 30, 2006

Wow. I didn't expect such a response. I think people misunderstood. What I meant was, symptoms will only start appearing a few years later. Doctors said unless a miracle get bestowed upon me, liver failure is kind of inevitable. Then again, considering the amount of paracetamol I took, I'm probably lucky to even be alive. Or is it a bane? Yeah, I think it should be the latter. Apparently, people did die from even a mere 10g of paracetamol [Note: Most chemicals in drugs only weigh from a few mg to few hundred plus mg].

Anyways, I'm beginning to think chemistry is so cool now. I remembered there was this time LeowQuah walked to my desk and saw a few packs of drugs on my table. She just took one glance at the chemical names and said, "Oh dear. You were having a fever? Take care." I thought she was God. The respect for people like her recently renewed itself. Isn't it so amazing that when I say "metoclopramide" and "oculogyric crisis", people can actually link them together AND understand what I'm saying?

Rei bboyed at 00:24

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

I must be Superman for surviving all those, but even Superman has krptonite. I'm facing liver failure, and ultimately, death, in years down the road.

Rei bboyed at 15:06

Sunday, September 24, 2006

I think... I want to be a nurse.

Rei bboyed at 21:31

Saturday, September 23, 2006

I'm on a new drug - Fluo something. It gives me neither extreme happiness, nor extreme sadness. In fact, I don't even think I can feel either happy or sad. I feel like... correction. I have no feelings. It's just an emptiness.

Rei bboyed at 13:46

Monday, September 18, 2006

I wanted to write more.
To fill up the pages of a never-ending book.
There's so much more to write about,
So much more to fill in,
To leave an etching mark in the world.
I wanted to write a book about something so rare.
I wanted to write a book the world would envy.
But it has been stolen from me vehemently.
Somone with a heart of malice.
I can only cry,
And hope,
That the book will be returned.
Though I probably will never see that day,
As life slowly slips away to the silence of the night,
Each day as the book is gone.

Rei bboyed at 10:57

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Do you actually believe you can get me down? Well, you've underestimated me. I will make you pay double for what you put me through. Not only in this life, but also for the rest of your lifes till you burn away in hell. I will make you so sorry till you beg for death, but I won't let you go that easily. You think you are scaring me, but me? Be worried? Hah. You have no idea who are you dealing with. Think twice before messing around with people. You never know who the real person you are messing with. And what he, or she, can do.

Girlie, you have just dug your own grave. It's payback time. Enjoy your last few hours. You will miss them very much, soon.

Rei bboyed at 01:35

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Me: [Slaps his chest in a futile attempt to wake him up.]
Mr Rei: [Grunts.]
Me: [Punches his chest lightly in yet another futile attempt to wake him up.]
Mr Rei: [Grunts.]
Me: [Places palm on his chest and bangs other fist on top of hand. Hard.]
Mr Rei: AHHH!
Me: [Quzzically] Pain??
Mr Rei: Of course, la! The impact!
Me: [Amazed] Wow! I'm so proud of you!!
Mr Rei: [Furrows brow] Huh. Why?
Me: [Continues amazement] You actually know the word 'impact'!!

Rei bboyed at 22:48

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Plugging in: Endorphine - อย่าทำให้ฟ้าผิดหวัง

I just heard a delightful oxymoron today - You are fucking rude. Go figure.

Anyways, Yuani suddenly decided to go back to Crescent, and since I wanted to take my 8 boards to photocopy, I went with her, Bart, Nicholas, and Sunam early in the morning. I saw Azlin and she was being a total bitch. Ok, I know you don't like me, but seriously, how many years ago was that?? Even Malini, who was so biased against me, was happily talking to me, asking me how I was. I saw Leow Quah too, and that Chinese teacher of mine. The one who looks like 짱구. But she didn't recognise me. I had to stand in front of her and say, "老师!". She still had to stare before a look of profound shock overcame her. HAHA that was so priceless. I just love the look on everyone's face when they see me in long hair and skirt. But the most amazing thing had to be that Indian teacher who teaches only Tamil. I was just mentioning to Leow Quah about how teachers can't recognise me now, and that Indian teacher cut in and said, "I do." If my jaw could drop, it would. Like what the hell, she had never even taught me for a minute before! I never knew I was THAT notorious.

I managed to meet Tricia Goh and she was SO concerned about me. I totally miss the way she talks... and her eyes. It's so droopy and cute HAHA. I managed to get my 8 boards back in one piece! Yay! I even saw my batik... in the new Arts Conservatory. I asked Tricia Goh when I can get it back, and she said a loooong time later. Until the school decides to take it down from the Arts Conservatory, I probably will only get to take pictures of it, or with it ㅠㅠ So mean. And she's leaving Crescent in 2008! That's so soon. Maybe I should drop by Crescent more often now :))

Rei bboyed at 02:35

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Plugging in: 조성모 - 아시나요

Wow. Just a few entries about him, and I suddenly have a million and one tags all about him.

Jei - I've already talked to you about it, so I think you understand now. In any case, I'll be seeing you later too.

Bei - Thanks so much for understanding. I think you are the only person who actually knows what I'm going through now! About the mute thing, I thought I was the only one who did that!

.. - Whoever the hell this is, obviously you don't know anything. Even if you DO know something, I doubt it's anything of real significance. Stop being so self-righteous. Don't judge when you know shit. If you don't like me, you don't have to visit my blog.

Anyways, I cried all the way home in the taxi. My insecurities are eating me up. I hate it. Detest. Loathe. I'm a super insecure girl with the lowest self-esteem anyone could ever have. So what does it mean? I'm crying because of myself.

Rei bboyed at 03:18

Friday, September 08, 2006

I'm going crazy thinking about what he did with the ex. It's making me upset, it's making me cry. I didn't how to explain to him when he asked why did I cry. My feelings and thoughts are so jumbled up, like one big 10 million pieces of puzzle in a box. Isn't there something that can make me forget all these shit? Or something that can make me feel better? I try so much to forget, but sometimes, the things he says, the pictures he still has, etc., breaks my heart. He says pictures are just pictures, nothing more to that. But to me, those pictures contained memories... and I don't even want him to have any memories of her. But how do I say all these... How. I can never seem to string words into sentences when talking about my feelings. -sighs-

Rei bboyed at 03:27

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Plugging in: Cascada - Bad Boy

I really should stop calling Him, well, Him. Mr. Rei sounds nice. :))

Anyways, I'm at Mr. Rei's house now, blogging. The past few days has been a blur. I'm like hanging out with him, twice a day. In the early morning, and in the night. Being with him brought back alot of memories, and forgotten feelings. When he talks to his friends, I can't do anything.
One - I don't understand Thai.
Two - even if I understand, or the friends whom he's talking to aren't Thais, I still won't talk to them because most of them are guys. I rarely ever volunteer to initiate conversation with guys. So that means, half of the time when I'm out at Cineleisure with him, I'm magically transformed into a mute.

And sometimes, I feel like I'm enduring weird stares by his friends. I mean, anyone who doesn't know The Story will probably blame me for breaking him and his ex up. But the truth is, it's not even half of my fault. Ok, maybe some, since I was the one who, out of anger, said "Let's break up." to him. The ex was just a replacement girlfriend. But it all seems like my fault now because she practically announced to the whole world that she's going to kill herself. Everyone probably thinks like, aww. Poor girl. -rolls eyes- Right. Like who cared when I had overdoses of paracetamol. Like who cared when I created all these fugly scars that will probably remain for life. Of course no one did. Because I didn't go around shouting to everyone, "I'm trying to ruin myself for a guy I love and hopefully, get him back because I'm trying to ruin myself!"

It hurts so much just thinking what I went through. Thinking about the ex, and the girl before the ex. Even if they were just there for him to try to forget me, which he couldn't, I still feel this strange squeezing of the heart, and a prick in the eyes. I think I'm beating myself up too much over all these, but it's not like, I can forget everything with a snap of the fingers. Memories had already been created between him and those girls, and there will always be things that will remind him of those memories.

I wish he could deny about what happened in the 8 months too, but I don't know how to even say it out. There are so many things I want to say, but I can't. I'm not a girl who can express her feelings well. I'd prefer to steer clear of such topics, or just avoid such situations altogether. I guess the only good thing that came out of all these is, we both know we love each other very much. And probably will never stop loving each other.

Rei bboyed at 20:56

Monday, September 04, 2006

Plugging in: The Wedding Singer OST - I Wanna Grow Old With You

I went out with Him to Cineleisure on saturday night. The both of us played Time Crisis 2. I SURE miss playing with him! He won though, 5 to 3. ㅠㅠ But at least I did improve! Hahaha

I watched Love Wrecked again, because He wanted to watch it so much [and in any case, the movie was nice enough to be re-watched ^^"]. After the movie, we went down, and luckily for me, Ky and Murdoc came, because He kept talking to His friends. If not for them, I would probably go back to that space-staring dork who just stands there with a blank look on her face. Everyone went up to play pool, so I had to follow. It was SO boring ㅠㅠ I could only look at everyone playing and not do anything since I totally forgot what Justin and Nicholas taught me last year.

All of us went back down again, and He wanted Ky and I to sit with His friends. They started smoking up a storm ㅠㅠ, so the both of us escaped to Kopitiam where I bumped into.... SANI! He looked so old! Haha but he looked a little shocked, I think. Then again, I don't blame him. He knew me when I was in my bung stage. Haha Kelvin was there too. He kept looking over to Cineleisure though. It made me wonder whether it's because he saw his ex-girlfriend there. I can totally relate to that.

Anyways, He and I watched another movie - Snakes on Plane. It was in the cinema, when He asked. I had just barely settled down into my seat, when He turned to me, and asked that very question. I was kind of stunned, really. It was so out-of-the-blue, so unexpected. And guess what?

I. Said. Yes.

So it's supposed to be happy ending to a depressing story right? No. His ex called, shit happened. Net called too, and more crap. I don't know how am I ever going to forget what happened in the past 8 months plus. Should I try denying that it even exist??

Rei bboyed at 18:57

Saturday, September 02, 2006

Plugging in: Untitled Cantonese Song

He asked me out yesterday. Or rather, in the wee hours of today. I was very happy seeing Murdoc at Cineleisure, since I was embroiled in emotional turmoil. At Level 9, we managed to bump into His friends. I went totally rigid, and turned away. What I felt was indescribable. Mad whirlpool of emotions? In a matter of seconds, I turned so self-conscious. It was as if I was committing a crime. Like I was doing something wrong. Like a million and one eyes were boring at me, all saying the same thing - why the **** is she with Him? Of all the emotions I anticipated I would go through, I never expected this.

And so we watched Monster House. I'm rather susceptible to freezing ever since my health took a dip for the south, so I wouldn't be surprised if I ever suffer from hypothermia just from sitting in the air-conditioned places. Naturally, I was trembling with cold. And then! A giant bolt of surprise smacked me. He actually offered His hand to warm me up. He never offered before. He would just leave me there, and watch the movie with all the attentioin He can offer. So me being touched, is like the understatement of the year. That little gesture went straight to the heart. Am I being a little too easily moved? Hmm.

Rei bboyed at 18:52

Friday, September 01, 2006

어디서부터 이야기를 시작해야 할까요?
사랑이 얼마나 위대한가를
바다보다도 오래 된 달콤한 사랑의 이야기를
그남자가 내게 일깨워준 사랑에 대한 단순한 진리를
나는 어디서부터 시작해야 할까요?
그남자의 첫 인사로
나의 이 텅 빈 세상에 하나의 의미를 부여했죠.
다른 사랑도, 다른 시간도 절대 없을 겁니다.
그남자는 내 삶 속에 들어와 내 삶을 온전하게 만들었습니다.
그남자는 내 마음을 채워줍니다.
매우 특별한 것들로
천사들의 노래들로, 즐거운 상상들로
그남자는 그렇게 큰 사랑으로 영혼을 채워줍니다.
나는 어디로 가든지 결코 외롭지 않아요.
그남자와 함께라면 누가 외로울까요?
내가 그남자의 손을 잡으려 할때, 그남자는 늘 거기에 있어요.
사랑이 얼마나 지속될까요?
사랑이 시간으로 계량될 수 있을까요?
나는 지금 대답할 수 없어요.
그러나 이 정도는 말할 수 있어요
난 알아요 별들이 다 타서 없어질 때까지 난 그남자가 필요하다는 것을...
그리고 그남자도 거기에 있을 거예요. <3

Rei bboyed at 22:11